


Courage is in the Eye of the Beholder

by jaekayelle



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-07
Updated: 2019-02-07
Packaged: 2019-10-24 00:33:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17694188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaekayelle/pseuds/jaekayelle
Summary: Sometimes getting what you want means doing what terrifies you.





	Courage is in the Eye of the Beholder

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: characters belong to MGM and Acme Shark. No copyright infringement intended. No profits made from this work of fiction.

People called John a hero. He didn't think about it much. He just did what was needed. But being a hero implied bravery and he was anything but brave when it came to Rodney. 

John protected Rodney because Rodney needed to stay alive, to be John's friend and because John loved him for more reasons than he could count. He could never bring himself to tell Rodney these things. That's where he needed courage and it remained unavailable, no matter how much John wished he could form the words to tell Rodney what he meant to him. 

Instead he tried to show him, by racing RC cars with him, by watching movies with him, by playing video games with him. Maybe Rodney hadn't figured it out, but that didn't matter. John was good with what they had. 

Walking across a meadow on an alien planet, for instance, was just fine because Rodney was beside him. They bumped shoulders every few steps as Rodney explained his theory on why the natives of PX3-NR2 needed to regularly maintain their one piece of Ancient machinery, gesturing wildly with his hands. Apparently it was a real find. John wasn't paying much attention. He just liked listening to the sound of Rodney's voice, especially when he was this excited. 

Hmm

That word kind of lead his thoughts down a path he swore he wouldn't walk when he was actually with Rodney. 

Yup. So very not brave. 

But he could be. They were alone – Ronon and Teyla were still in the village bartering a trade for that nutty flour that tasted great when baked into bread. John loved slathering a thick slice with peanut butter and honey. He glanced at Rodney. Still going on about…something. Chastising himself for not even listening to what was being said, John tried to tune in to the ongoing monologue. 

Those shining blue eyes and the slanted mouth distracted him, so he still didn't hear a word that Rodney said. 

He really wanted to taste that mouth and make those eyes see only him. 

He could be brave. 

It wouldn't take much. 

So why were his palms sweating and his heart racing? 

Seriously, his knees felt weak. How pathetic and romance novel was that? 

He was a hero, or so they said. He could do this. 

He faced forward again, matching Rodney's stride. 

He was a coward. 

Then his hand swung out to the side and caught Rodney's wrist.

"What? Are we being attacked?" Rodney glanced worriedly all around them.

John tugged on his hand, bringing him around so that they stopped walking and were now face to face. 

"We're not being attacked, Rodney. I just. We need to."

"I'm sorry. Either my hearing is going or you're not talking in complete sentences." 

"Yeah."

"Yeah? Which is it? Is it my hearing? Oh god! I'm going deaf! Was there something in that soup they gave us? I thought it tasted a little off. Oh god! I'm going to go into anaphylaxis shock! Where's my epi-pen?"

John grabbed both of Rodney's hands to stop him from tearing his TAC vest apart. He needed him not to panic. Panic was not good. Ever. Besides, if anyone was going to panic here it was going to be John. 

"Rodney." 

"I think I'm getting hives."

"Rodney."

"If they get near my throat I'm doomed!"

"Rodney!"

"What?"

Those blue eyes were huge. John loved them.

He shifted his grip to put both hands on Rodney's shoulders. He loved those broad shoulders.

John loved all of Rodney's idiosyncrasies and his gigantic, mostly out of control ego. 

He loved Rodney.

He leaned forward and watched as Rodney's eyes got even bigger.

"I really hope you're not going to hate me for this." John shuffled forward, trying not to trip over his own feet. 

It was possible his eyes snapped shut right before he bumped his mouth against Rodney's. He might have even smashed their noses together. Something sure hurt in that area. But somewhere in that muddle for the first time he felt Rodney's words leave his mouth rather than heard them. 

"Oh," Rodney said pulling back just far enough so they could see each other. "Really?"

John nodded. His heart was still thudding uncontrollably, his palms were disgustingly damp but it felt right. 

Rodney did the kissing this time, much more elegantly, and murmured through one breath to the next, "You're braver than I am." 

 

# end


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